21 Insane Things Moms Have Said to Their Children

You know how sometimes you say something to your child and you can't believe you actually said it? For instance last week I wrote about an incident in which I had to ask my son to stop smelling the cat. And there was another time at Foot Locker when my son, a toddler at the time, commented on how large a woman's boobs were -- as he grabbed and smushed them in his little hands. We were about 10 seconds from a full-on motor boat when I was forced to yell, "We don't grab people's boobies. So, Stop feeling up the nice lady."

All parents have turned some pretty insane phrases at one time or another. I always wonder if it's the parents who've gone bat shit crazy for saying these things or the children who are the certifiable ones for making these phrases need to be said. 

Here are some of the weirdest things I've had to say to my children plus some phrases from my awesome Facebook Fans.

1. "We need to keep our pants on in public."

2. "Gum you find under tables is NOT 'free' gum."

3. "I don't care how much she annoys you, your sister is not for sale."

4. "Please stop riding the dog."

5. "You cannot charge your friends at school for massages. And please stop massaging people at school."

6. "The money you see in fountains is not up for grabs."

7. "Please stop fondling Nana."

8. "Poop is not paint."

9. "You CANNOT practice writing your name on the furniture ... with a Sharpie!!!"

10. "Play-Doh is not your snack today."

11. "You can have a favorite shirt, but you're not allowed to have a favorite pair of underwear."

12. "Sticking erasers up your nose and shooting them out at people does not qualify as a talent, no matter how accurate you are."

13. "We don't fart on our sister's face." - Rebecca M.

14. "I've said, 'We don't eat rocks/sand/bugs,' sometimes all in the same day." - Christi B.

15. "NO! Do not attempt to saw your sister in half!" - Carly M.

16. "I don't really care if your blanky farted. Please go back to bed." - Jenny A.

17. "'Do not let the puppy play with your balls.' I meant the toy ones." - Michelle G.

18. "Just because you found it and it's alive does not mean it's our pet." - Tracey K.

19. "After a scientific explanation of what the dog was doing to a pillow, I had to say, 'Now, please don't tell your friends what humping means.'" - Debbie M.

20. "Why did you toothpaste the cat?" - Sara J.

21. "I'm begging you to stop licking me." - Kristie P.

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